The Rich Jerk goes (invites) to the Playboy party.
In fact you haven´t heard it by now read this:
Dear Loser,
My last email sent shockwaves. People are FURIOUS.
Some because they know there's no way they're getting
into my exclusive party at the *Playboy Mansion*.
Others because I publicly BLACKLISTED them from attending.
The blacklistees are people you probably know. Some celebrities,
and some famous internet marketers.
Not only are the blacklistees pissed, but their friends
and loyal followers are angry too.
My question is, why the fu*k are their friends and followers
on my list?! Get the fu*k off. If you love those guys, there's
no possible way you should be listening to me. I'll just
end up hurting you, just like I (ahem) "hurt" my lady friends.
You can get off my list here (good riddance!):
http://www.elabs7.com/ct.html?rtr=on&s=awmq,43tw,506,gb1g,7p2w,a66o,lbim
But on a serious note (not really), I did slip in a couple of
names onto the blacklist of people who are actually "friends"
of mine. Guys I wanted to FREAK OUT, because they thought they
were 'shue-ins' for the party.
And THEY TOOK THE BAIT.
They've been calling, yelling, and leaving death threats on my phone.
They've been pleading with other IM'ers to get in touch with me
and "fix" this.
Gimme a second, I'm trying not to laugh here.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OK, I'm back.
Well, I'm not going to tell you which of the guys it was, as
not to embarrass them further, but here's my personal message to
them:
YOU'RE IN.....so stop your bitching and moaning! I'll be contacting
you personally to "calm you down". Haha.
Jesus, I would've thought the addition of Ryan Seacrest to the
banned list would've been a sure sign that I wasn't serious.
I mean what the fu*k would I EVER be doing hanging out with that
douchebag?
Anyway, back to the point of my email.
Ever since I announced the 22 open slots on my guest list,
I've received THOUSANDS of cash offers for the chance to attend.
Let's just say, those 22 spots are SOLD OUT.
But GET THIS:
There STILL may be a remote chance for you to attend, you lucky
sunuvabitches. I just talked to the managing director
of events at the mansion, and he agreed that it IS possible
for me to allow a few more people to attend.
So, sometime next week I'm going to open a couple
of remaining spots just for my own devious enjoyment. Becauase I
love to create a frenzy, then sit back and watch people freak
out. And that's EXACTLY whats going to happen when I release
these few spots. Haha, I know....I'm sick....and you LOVE it.
But I may not be as sick as you think I am.
Why?
Because in an unusual moment of generosity, I reluctantly agreed
to make this party a CHARITY EVENT.
That's right. I'm going to be cutting a MONSTEROUS check to
a charity that I'll tell you more about very soon.
So, if you want to grab one of the few remaining spots,
PAY ATTENTION to your inbox. Because I'm going to let you know
the exact day and time that they will be available very soon,
and you better be ready to call in sick, grab an energy drink,
and prepare to get a callus hitting the refresh button, cuz
this handful of spots will probably sell out in 12 seconds.
As if you didn't know, my party at the *Playboy Mansion* is
building buzz like nothing before it. This is undoubtedly the
networking event of the century. No stupid snorefest seminar.
And it comes with all of the "perks".
We actually have tons of celebrities contacting
us for a ticket to the event -- because it doesn't matter
if you're Brad Pitt, if you don't get your ticket directly
from me, you absolutely cannot attend.
Without a ticket you won't get past security. In fact,
you'll be turned away in TOTAL EMBARASSMENT.
Tons of the hottest women you'll ever see in your life
will be strolling right into the party while rejected dudes
trying to crash the party will be hanging their heads
as they walk back to the parking lot.
So make sure and keep an eye out for that email about
possibly getting into my party next week...until then
Later Losers,
RJ
